Or 5 Natural Disasters Caused by Snow Days
As schools and daycares re-opened, a collective roar rose. Exhausted mamas danced in the aisles of Target as the reality of an uninterrupted and much-needed shower sank in.
This mama was no exception.
After two days of daycare closures, bookended by two-hour delays, I fell woefully behind on everything. I declared my home and office disaster areas.
A polar vortex has nothing on my girls.
When the delicate ecosystem built upon childcare is overturned, it creates the perfect storm. Snow days quickly spin into full-blown natural disasters.
1. We’re Not in Kansas Anymore
Left to their own devices, Bean and Monkey turn a room upside down faster than an F-5 twister.
With herculean strength, they fling blocks, puzzle pieces, and books to the far corners of the room. Monkey topples kiddie-sized furniture, and miniature tea cups skid underneath the love seat to a dusty grave.
A shocked and shattered doll lays face-down, bloomers mid-thigh, fabric tooshie exposed to the world.
Dazed, I pick my way through the debris. I shake my head in disbelief and mutter, “It sounded like a freight train.”
2. Rockin’ the Richter Scale
With three hours of back-to-back teleconferences Tuesday morning, I called in reinforcements. I hastily gave the sweet, innocent babysitter instructions and locked myself into the guest room with my laptop and headset.
As I tried to concentrate, the house shook below me. The windows rattled. Piercing screams punctuated the chaos.
I cautiously made my way downstairs and took it as a good sign that the babysitter hadn’t taken cover under the kitchen table.
I quickly retreated before I felt the aftershocks.
3. Don’t Anger Madam Pele, Goddess of Fire
At the height of the vortex, there was a cataclysmic eruption in my house.
I’m not talking about Kilauea’s casual burbling on the Big Island. Those flows mirror the laid-back spirit of Hawaii, taking their sweet Aloha time before pouring into the ocean.
I’m talking about violent, pyroclastic blasts reminiscent of Mount Vesuvius. An eruption so sudden and ferocious its hot, turbulent cloud races along the ground and consumes everything in its path.
As pressure and pent-up energy build, the mountain can no longer contain Mother Nature’s fury. The top blows, and Pompeii crumbles.
Wait, that wasn’t my kids. That was totally me.
4. It’s Like a Heat Wave
As the mercury dropped outside, I sweltered inside.
Skin dry from the furnace, I dragged my parched body across the scorching desert and searched for an oasis. Or a fountain Coke.
I was dizzy. Exhausted. Confused. Classic signs of heatstroke.
Wait! Are my precious daughters sitting down and playing together quietly?
Nope. Just a mirage.
5. Better Build an Ark
Despite countless time-outs (Monkey), tantrums (Bean), and tears (Me), the storm brought plenty of rainbows. Sweet moments flooded me with joy.
Story time snuggles. Sloppy kisses. Belly laughs. Blissful reprieve while the girls napped.
Squeals of delight – mostly from me – when my husband walked through the door and announced we were going out to dinner.
No cooking, no cleaning, and a change of scenery? Swoon. Knight in shining armor.
Later, when the meteorologist announced a steady uptick in temperatures, the floodgates really opened.
The next morning I dropped the girls off and returned to my quiet office. With a to-do list stretching for miles, I hunkered down and got to work.
You know what? I missed the storm.
Icicle photo by: spike_dennis
How did you survive the polar vortex?